The best way out is always through

Dear Writer of this blog,

Jason only spent about two hours with us, but it was a very enjoyable two hours. 

I’ve decided to try to resuscitate this blog.

Streemin

Im in the botom streme
Which means Im not brigth
dont like reading
cant hardly write

but all these divishns
arent reely fair
look at the cemtery
no streemin there

Roger McGough

Money

That money talks
I won’t deny.
I heard it once.
It said, “Goodbye”.

Richard Armour

And the Days are not Full Enough

And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
                    Not shaking the grass.

Ezra Pound

 

As much as you can

Even if you cannot shape your life as you want it,
at least try this
as much as you can; do not debase it
in excessive contact with the world,
in the excessive movements and talk.

Do not debase it by taking it,
dragging it often and exposing it
to the daily folly
of relationships and associations,
until it becomes burdensome as an alien life.

Constantine P. Cavafy (1913) 

“LEISURE”
WH Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

24th September 1945

The best sea: has yet to be crossed.
The best child: has yet to be born.
The best days: have yet to be lived;
And the best word that I wanted to say to you
is the word that I have not yet said.

Nasim Hikmet
 

To Keep Your Marriage Brimming
Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong admit it;
Whenever you’re right shut up.


 

A Red, Red Rose
Robert Burns (1759-1796)

O, my love’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June:
O my love’s like the melodie,
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I,
And I will love thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my Dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun:
I will love thee still, my Dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only love,
And fare thee weel a while!
And I will come again, my love.
Tho’ it were ten thousand mile!

My True Love Hath My Heart
Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586)

My true-love hath my heart, and I have his,
By just exchange one for another given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:

My true-love hath my heart, and I have his,
My heart in me keeps him and me in one,
My heart in him his thoughts and senses guide:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his because in me it bides:

My true-love hath my heart, and I have his.

O Tell Me The Truth About Love
W.H. Auden (1907-1973)

Some say love’s a little boy,
And some say it’s a bird,
Some say it makes the world go around,
Some say that’s absurd,
And when I asked the man next-door,
Who looked as if he knew,
His wife got very cross indeed,
And said it wouldn’t do.

Does it look like a pair of pyjamas,
Or the ham in a temperance hotel?
Does its odour remind one of llamas,
Or has it a comforting smell?
Is it prickly to touch as a hedge is,
Or soft as eiderdown fluff?
Is it sharp or quite smooth at the edges?
O tell me the truth about love.

Our history books refer to it
In cryptic little notes,
It’s quite a common topic on
The Transatlantic boats;
I’ve found the subject mentioned in
Accounts of suicides,
And even seen it scribbled on
The backs of railway guides.

Does it howl like a hungry Alsatian,
Or boom like a military band?
Could one give a first-rate imitation
On a saw or a Steinway Grand?
Is its singing at parties a riot?
Does it only like Classical stuff?
Will it stop when one wants to be quiet?
O tell me the truth about love.

I looked inside the summer-house;
It wasn’t over there;
I tried the Thames at Maidenhead,
And Brighton’s bracing air.
I don’t know what the blackbird sang,
Or what the tulip said;
But it wasn’t in the chicken-run,
Or underneath the bed.

Can it pull extraordinary faces?
Is it usually sick on a swing?
Does it spend all its time at the races,
or fiddling with pieces of string?
Has it views of its own about money?
Does it think Patriotism enough?
Are its stories vulgar but funny?
O tell me the truth about love.

When it comes, will it come without warning
Just as I’m picking my nose?
Will it knock on my door in the morning,
Or tread in the bus on my toes?
Will it come like a change in the weather?
Will its greeting be courteous or rough?
Will it alter my life altogether?
O tell me the truth about love.

Yes, I’ll Marry You
Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

Immediate–Short Term

1. Eat right (less sugar and snacks)
2. Hit the pavement, life those weights
3. Window shop more often than actually shop
4. Hit the library not bookstore
5. Visit family more regularly
6. Fix up house
COUNT MY BLESSINGS. I can’t have everything but I can be happy with what I have. Therefore start clearing my workdesk out efficiently.

Short–Long Term

7. Meet friends often and inexpensively
8. Meet relatives and take an interest in them
9. Learn basic cooking and sewing
10. Work on reactiveness
11. Think about next career (talk to Keith & Jason, read up on Master’s, take baby steps)
12. Take care of Bubu better (e.g. be more patient, listen better, tolerate and trust more
13. Find a faith. Be proud of and productive with my work and my family.
IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL

 

Libra is well-suited to any career in which taste, interpersonal skill, and analytical ability are important.

Libras are cooperative, diplomatic, and willing to please. Well-liked and popular, they can be somewhat lazy. A peaceful and beautiful environment is important, and they will work toward creating harmony. They are not temperamentally suited to a job that is full of risks or safety hazards or that is messy. Libras prefer a career that allows them the opportunity to create and to bring opposing things into balance. Libra is known for elegance, refinement, and diplomacy in the workplace.

Libra needs to have a calm atmosphere, music playing, and a lack of disruption in his or her everyday work environment. This sign doesn’t like conflict or overbearing coworkers. A Libran can be motivated by money or by the use of good manners. Libra usually is able to pull everyone together socially and is a good team player. People with this sign should not be forced to work alone or be isolated.

Libra will gravitate toward the following careers:

Guidance Counselor:
In this role, Libras will shine. The career involves using their wonderful people skills, capacity for considering all the options, and exploration of different talents and abilities. It’s a good thing, though, that the Libra counselor is not the one who ultimately has to make the decision. Great at interviewing and analyzing information, Libra is well-suited to identifying the best options to make a perfect match.

Art Dealer:
The Libran affinity for art and culture makes this an excellent choice for someone with good taste and business sense. They know quality and beauty when they see it and are able to understand what the buyers want. An innate sense of style and current trends also help Librans to do well in this career. A Libra dealer probably won’t represent an uncouth, cutting-edge artist, though. They would prefer to deal in art that is aesthetically pleasing and fashionable and to have rich, snobbish clients.

Beautician:
Librans of both sexes are obsessed with image and aspects of beauty such as makeup, hair, and style. Cosmo Girl is akin to the Bible for a Libra teen. A natural transition is into the world of esthetics, hair coloring, spa treatments, or makeup consulting. Libras will do a lot of research and experimentation, passing on their extensive knowledge to clients. Their own appearance shows that they can walk the talk, because they are elegant and tasteful.

Graphic Designer:
Librans get warm and fuzzy when they are able to create a design piece that is well-proportioned and full of lovely white space. When type is kerned perfectly or the spot color prints the way it should, Libra will do the happy dance. Designers delight in creating harmony with color or communicating a feeling or message with images. Libra designers will live and breathe it in all areas of their life. Bored Libra designers with a mastery of Photoshop are responsible for many of the visual jokes circulating through e-mail.

Interior Decorator:
Librans are always rearranging and decorating their own homes, making this a natural choice for a career. Creating style and harmony is something they strive for in a many areas of their life. The only drawback is that with all the choices of paint, fabric, and furniture, they must force themselves to be decisive and create restraints. After that initial heartache, they are able to pull a look together fabulously.

Human Resources:
The Libra native has highly developed people skills and is quite good at problem-solving. Libras have the unique ability to fire someone while making them feel like they’ve just received a bonus. Much of this career is spent interviewing candidates, negotiating salary, and resolving issues with staff. Their natural empathy for others and skill in achieving cooperation and job satisfaction is second to none.

Lawyer:
Another career that allows Libra an avenue for working with people is the law. An added benefit is working within the justice system or fighting for what is right and fair. Libra lawyers are not as aggressive as some of their counterparts. Rather, they are able to win cases by careful manipulation and by using their charm and wit. Libras will disarm by any means that will work for them, and the other side won’t even know what hit them. Analytical ability, a sense of fair play, and persuasiveness draw Librans to this profession.

Referee:
Librans are excellent choices to step in and make a fair call. They may have to learn to be decisive, but when there are clear rules, they are able to do the right thing. Natural peacemakers, they may even have to break up a few fights and disagreements. This job puts them in the middle of the action without having to actually get dirty or sweaty. They love being at the center of a dispute and are able to calmly resolve whatever the issue is. If the uniform is nice, then that’s an added bonus.

Mediator:
Professional mediators must look at all the issues and facts and help people to come to an agreement. This is what Libra does within their family, with friends, and at work. Why not make it official and do it for a living? This is an excellent arena to dissect issues into all their components and then come to an informed decision and mutual compromise. Libras love to discuss and analyze and will make a great mediator by using their diplomatic skills.

Architect:
Architecture involves using analytical as well as aesthetic skill. Architects must have an understanding of proportion and scale and be able to translate creative ideas into reality. Libra is an excellent candidate, because of good visual ability and intellectual capacity. They conceptualize, plan, and consider every angle. This career is a good mix of technical ability, visual sense, and the interaction with clients, contractors, and suppliers.

I love love love love love my husband.

 

Absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

 

It was the stress talking.

 

I NEED to trust him. 

Bubu often shares that he can tell waht will happen before it will happen, and it is frustrating, amusing and tiring for him to try to caution others against consequences they have yet to foresee. I often felt the same, and although i did not feel that i was able to think ahead as quickly as he could, I thought that I understood what he was saying, and he was at least able to find some solace with me.

After nine months of marriage and more bust-ups than we ever had in the year when we were dating, I now realise that many things he has said about me, even though hard to bear or even unfair, are quite true and have a bearing on my life, his, and most importantly of all, our life together.

it is not easy swallowing humble pie, especially if it comes from someone who knows all your weaknesses, is trying to help you become a better person, and is himself trying to fight his own inner demons. the funny thing is, whenever anyone asks me about my husband or what i think of married life, i can only think of good things. the fact that this occurs to me so naturally and spontaneously makes me believe that i’m not making things up or trying to present only a happy facade to others. indeed, i usually cannot remember why we fight or how we fight once things are cleared up, although each successive battle makes me more and more aware of how i’m not living the way i want to, and i can’t keep promises because i have no idea where and what i stand for (i do, on weighty issues such as abortion or crime, but i don;t seem to have quite decided how i wish to live my life). and this explains why i seem to be able to bring joy to others but seldom myself. i totally understand Bubu’s frustrations, and it must be hell living with someone who seems to rock on operate on the whims of fancy. i feel that he’s a lot like that too, but he is mercurial and broody. what am i? i think i’m just a confused wannabe, fitting in everywhere and nowhere. for a brief spell in teenagehood and early adulthood that was cool, as there was this dynamism that being on the fringe brought, but as i step into my late twenties more so than ever i come to realise why we need to have an identity and a defined sense of self, in order to feel secure and have dreamless sleep and not look back in anger, misery or worst, regret, in our twilight years.

i took a long hard look at myself, deep within where it’s dark murky and fairly disgusting, and realised a few reasons why my marriage, although wonderful and enriching, is still suffering some teething problems:

1. in many ways, i’m still behaving like i’m single. and before i came to this realisation, no wonder Bubu would feel let down whenever i spent money or didnt do something as promised and i was genuinely amazed at his reaction. i felt he was overreacting and simply failed to understand why he was disappointed or upset. the thing is, although we are free to pursue our interests as individuals, being in a marriage also means we are a unit, and before i do something i need to consider the feelings of my spouse, not assume i know how he would feel. this is tricky at times, and i must say he;’s a lot better at taking care of my interests and feelings, since i feel very loved and secure. i made the mistake of being more concerned about my own wants rather than his. and when i couldn’t get i wanted, i blamed it on his insensitivity, his stupid principles, his fixed way of viewing the world on his terms, his inability to understand what i needed—that fact that i was anxious and depressed and lonely to him, just meant that i had to get my act together. and that was a bitter pill to swallow, although it was indeed the only way forward. i think i am spoilt after all. deep down, beneath all my niceness, i am a brat, the only saving grace is that i have learnt to empathise with others and to care that they are happy too, and that keeps my nastiness in check.

To be continued…

Friendship and Aging Whenever I think about the kind of person I’d like to become, I think of Maya. She lived on a ranch in Nevada with a wide view of the plains and plenty of room for guests. People were always passing through, bearing wine and ingredients for dishes they’d cook and eat together. When her daughter invited me to stay on the ranch to write a novel, I became part of Maya’s vibrant social circle. She was 90 then, and the fact that she was keen to get to know a woman half her age was testimony to her gift for friendship. When she died, I told her daughter that no one had had such a good old age as Maya. Though she’d been divorced for years and had lost her son, she was rarely lonely. Her friends helped her keep an amused sparkle in her eyes and vigor in her step. Maya made me realize that the secret of successful aging lies in our friendships — so I’ve been reassessing and reconnecting with people I consider friends. Who are the perennial flowers in my life, those who bring color and delight every year? And who are the weeds, who leave me feeling depleted? At midlife, there’s plenty of time to sow new seeds of friendships that will bring us joy and — as it turns out — good health. Cultivating Chemistry There’s solid scientific research showing that friends actually change the biochemistry of our brains and the functioning of our immune systems. “Good friendships put our brains and bodies in an optimal state of function,” says psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of Social Intelligence. “That state is associated with positive emotions, like joy, which help strengthen the immune system and the cardiovascular system.” Scientists have long observed that people with rich social relationships live longer than those who are lonely. The more close friends we have, the more likely we are to be healthy — suffering lower rates of chronic diseases, accidents, and psychological impairments. Friendlessness, by contrast, is a major risk factor for disease and early death, comparable to high blood pressure, obesity, and other serious health risks. “Being socially isolated is comparable to the negative effects of cigarette smoking for your health,” says James Coan, PhD, a psychologist and neuroscientist at the University of Virginia. What causes this strong correlation between friendship and health? One theory is that friends provide stress buffering, which is basically social and psychological support. “Friends may encourage health-promoting behaviors like proper sleep and exercise, and nag when you drink too much or smoke,” explains Eric Loucks, a psychologist and epidemiologist at McGill University who studies the effects of social isolation on heart disease. Maya had a lot of friends who served as stress buffers, driving her to the doctor, filling her freezer with soups, and calling in the twilight hours, when she’d sometimes feel melancholy. How Loneliness Harms Us Scientists are also finding that we’re hardwired to seek out others. Too much alone time and our bodies send out distress signals. “Humans are fragile as individuals, so when we’re alone, we are in a state of potential danger,” says John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago. When you feel lonely, your brain responds by increasing levels of the hormone cortisol, putting you on alert, as though an enemy were present. With long periods of loneliness, the overload of cortisol can harm us, increasing our chances of getting chronic conditions such as cardiovascular disease and hypertension, Cacioppo says. It can also destroy neurons that affect memory and interfere with sleep. So much for going it alone. We’re so wired to make friends that the absence of companionship registers in our brains like pain. Naomi Eisenberger, a research psychologist at the University of California at Los Angeles, has found that when people experience social exclusion, it activates the same region of the brain as when we’re physically hurt. “Since humans need others to survive,” she says, “we’ve adapted this mechanism to feel distressed when we’re separated from others, so that we’ll seek them out.” Midlife Companionship But at midlife, we’re more careful about who gets close. “There’s a narrowing and deepening of friendship as we get older,” Coan says. We may have fewer friends, but they’re the ones who can help us be healthy. When we know someone for a long time, he says, we begin to mirror their emotional reactions. If we have many positive interactions with someone, our brain associates that person with good feelings and reacts accordingly. That’s why, when I’m feeling blue, I call my friend Cristina. It actually doesn’t matter what she says; the fact that we’ve spent so much time laughing together cheers me up. When I went through a difficult divorce several years ago, it was my longtime friends who eased my pain: Mary, who suggested I fill my calendar with a social event every night, and penned herself in first; Cecilia, who called every week to suggest a long hike; and Lauren, who introduced me to a handsome single guy. Now those are good pals. How Society Thwarts Sickness Like Maya, I love having people over — and it turns out that this may do me as much good as the multivitamin I take daily. When Sheldon Cohen, PhD, a psychologist at Carnegie Mellon University, measured volunteers’ levels of sociability and then exposed them to a cold virus, those with the fewest close relationships were four times more likely to catch the cold. Even nodding acquaintances — someone, say, in a yoga class — can contribute to our health, but close friends are best. When psychologist Lynne Giles, of Flinders University in Australia, looked at the effects of social networks on longevity, she found that of 1,477 people age 70 or older, those who had the most close friends — four or five confidantes — were 22 percent less likely to die over the next 10 years than those with fewer friends. Whether or not they had children made no difference in longevity. “Not everyone has a fantastic relationship with their children,” Giles notes. My friend Maya lived so well in her old age because she cultivated her old friends, pruned out the ones she couldn’t bother with, and stimulated her mind by getting to know new people who told her what they were reading or talked about their recent travels. Since Maya died, I have appreciated my relationship with her daughter even more. It’s wonderful to know that just by being close friends, we can help keep each other healthy for decades to come.