My sister is back already (?) (!) A.K.A. I am too easily affected
The Bare Facts:
I did not feel enthusiastic when I was asked to welcome my sis at the airport.
I did not feel any emotion when I saw her after 2.5 months and a 2.5 hour delay.
I did not feel engaged in the conversation we had on the way home. Mum paid her lots of attention while Bro and I discussed vodka and vacations. It wasn’t intentional but it must have been hurtful to she-who-craves-acceptance.
I did not feel any joy upon seeing her unpack and pass out presents.
The Unpleasant Truth:
I wish to get away from her after having seen her for just 3 hours. She hasn’t changed an iota despite making lots of resolutions. Her voice is as shrill and she is as pretentious. She still takes delight in the frivolous. She is only 21 I tell myself.
I know that she is surprised that I seem less than happy to see her. I know that she is deliberately being cordial but distant towards me because she is pissed and trying to pretend that she doesn’t mind that I don’t seem to have missed her. To her disappointment she can sense that life without her around was fairly pleasant. Preferable, frankly.
She remarked twice that she missed China. A land that she repeatedly stressed that she could not wait to leave. I replied matter-of-factly that she could return is she wished to. She tried to suppress the look of irritation on her face. I wanted to enjoy the effect of my barbed comment but I soothed the sting by elaborating that she could always return to visit during her holidays. I don’t know if I did it out of hypocrisy, goodwill, a desire to diffuse any potential timebombs or cowardice.
I am sitting here typing away on her laptop, trying to figure out why I am so mean. I don’t like my behaviour, but I am tired of having to love somebody who I don’t, just because she is family. I know that a little effort won’t harm me, and I did try, but it was too much effort. Hearing her complain about the usual just made me switch off even more. And now she’s on the phone in a saccharine sweet voice. She never speaks like this to me except when she needs my help.
I admit that I am pleased that she is leaving for a 1 week camp tomorrow. Then I will not have to listen to her complaints. I listened patiently for 1 month, giving her advice, offering suggestions, providing encouragement, generating enthusiasm etc. while I was going through emotional upheavals. I truly, naively again, believed that she wanted to make a change for the better, and I wanted to be her guide and support so she didn’t have to feel alone and helpless. She was grateful and sent me excessive exclamations of love and I focused on giving her hope while ignoring the needy and whiny tone. Then she suddenly disappeared when she found friends abroad.
Sorry babe, I will be here for you should you need me but I am also not a spare tyre that you summon when your clique isn’t around. I am not at your beck and call. If I have to disappoint you, from henceforth I will. Enough of the struggles and the drama, agree? Let’s work with your good points and mine instead.
For afterall,
What makes LIFE interesting:
She’s still my sister and like it or not, there will be moments when I will stand for her, by her and with her, and I will love her and like her unconditionally and with all my heart.
Tonight just didn’t contain any of those moments.
I’ll suck it up 
I’m happy to crawl into bed in a non-combative state.
Bubu awaits in the morning!
